111

Angel #111 is manifestation and prosperity.  Hopefully a great day for all!  So its 2016...holy cow how the time just flies.  Had a great holiday with my better half and the families, as with the "new" year.  I am hoping that this year for me will be transformative.  I am in dire need of it in all my personal realms.  The "I hate myself" has to stop and the "I accept myself" has to start.  I need to start finding a direction so that I can provide not only for myself but for the woman I want to be with till the end.  I don't think I can go back to what I was doing and I can't be "stuck" in an office all day.  So I really have some shit to figure out.  I am getting the itch to make some roots and I want to be secure when I do.  I lost most of my savings from living for 2 years hurt and dark.  I am lucky I was able to do that but I look back and I have so much anger towards myself and the society we live in.  The lack of trust I have for those in power that are supposed to help you.  I learned a hard lesson over the past few years and it knocked me down in a big way.  I realized I am not indestructable,  You have to work hard for even the little things,  You are not guaranteed anything in life no matter how hard you have tried, You have to be able to rely on yourself but most of all you have to stay positive and keep moving forward no matter what falls in your path.  Well.....it sure is easier said than done.  I have gone from baby steps to toddler steps and still have alot of evolving to do.  I still get dark towards myself and feel like I just take up space.  Most days I still feel like are just wastes of time, not accomplishing anything and than being upset that I wasted yet another day, month, etc....
I am ready for this damn cycle to end, at least at this moment I am.  I go through these cycles of "GO ME" than BAM...gone.  I am closer than I was a year ago.  Anyway....in other news....
The other half of my life is wonderful.  I love like I have never loved, I still fear she will give up on me,  I fear she will be over me soon enough.... blah blah blah.  I am sorry if I get moody sometimes still, remember I am a work in progress,  I am still trying to deal with me and sometimes still get overwhelmed.  I really can't apologize enough but I will never be perfect.  I love you the universe and back JLR.