Saturday, October 28, 2017

The big day

So many thoughts about today, mostly frustration and anger.  First off feelings for me are "limited".  I am not entitled nor should I have any say in today.  It's not the rest of my life, it's someone else's.  I guess the protective side of me is going nuts.  I have to come to peace with this but I know me and apparently coming to peace with things is difficult at this point in my life.  I have taken some severe turns in my life and I am still trying to grasp it all, even with all the help I am getting.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I have to stop looking back.  So for today I am going to TRY and let it be a day of happiness for someone else.  Today I want to see happiness in the person I've known my entire life and I wish her nothing but the best, ALWAYS.  Today my oldest sister is getting married!

 I am so lucky that I have my forever right by my side.  She has yet to fly the coup with any of my darkness or bullshit, always supporting me and still to this day I just don't get it.  I am so not deserving of any good (my feelings and thoughts).  She is going to be a huge help in today's festivies from makeup to hair.  She is going to be by my side today.  Our love is like a fairytale, it is just too amazing and everyday it gets stronger (if that's even possible).  I am thankful for you JLR, you pick me up when I become dark, your smile and your happiness make me melt and I wait for the day where I can "feel" like that again.  You are my forever and one day we will have a "DAY" that sets it in stone.  Not that we need any specific day for that because to me it is written already, it has been since the day we met!  I Love You JLR

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