almost a month doe

So it seems I am getting sloppy with keeping up with posting.  I think about it but obviously don't execute it much.  Seems to be a pattern as of lately with me.  My focus is just shattered, I can be so forgetful and just feel stupid most of the time.  My brain gets fried and I guess it just takes it's toll sometimes.  I still wish I knew how to not over think or dwell so much.  It could be SO much worse but all I know is me and what I have been through.  I could read story after story of people who transform and overcome things and be so damn happy for them, but it doesn't seem to register with me or give me that hope....ok maybe slightly but it goes away shortly after.  I know things are going to change, Im just having a problem seeing through the fog.  I do have great things in my life that aren't material or government approved.  My amazing woman is on the top of the list.  I can just think about her and I smile, it gives me hope, makes me want to jump out of my deep dark hole and poke my head out.  She understands me, doesn't push me, supports me, loves me, doesn't judge, cares, listens...ahh just thinking about it I have this goofy smile on  my face.  She....well words don't ever do her justice, she is special in so many ways, giving in to many ways and amazing in all ways.  Best part of it all is she is MINE!!!!  How and why it has come to be is beyond me but I wouldn't change it for the world...she is my world.  I love her to the universe yet to be discovered and back.  I would do anything for her and want to be everything for her.  Thank you for tolerating and sticking by me.  You have no idea how much it means to me!  I love you JLR