3 month trend

Lets just skip to the good parts, rather than give the "lazy" excuses.. which really is probably what it is. Lazy.

So what has happened in the last 3 months...  

Mentally I'm ever changing, I just can't put a finger on it anymore.  It's like I am all over the place in my head but stagnant in my life.  I have so many things I want to accomplish but I have that evil voice in the background.  Sometimes I can break through other times it gets the best of me.  I have wanted the most to get my weight under control and I get excited that I finally feel like I've had it and I am just going to focus on that.  Obviously that is not the case.  I have hit a wall and I know I have hit it.  I hate that I am so fat, I hate that I let it happen, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.  I know it's not all my fault, I take medications that make it very easy to put the pounds on.  I was good just taking 1 pill but now that I am on 6, I have never seen weight go up so fast.  So that's one place my head has been.  I have to take the leap and really just do it, at least fucking try.  It's crazy how you want something so bad, a something that won't just fall in your lap and I can't seem to fight for myself.  

In other wonderful news.  I have enjoyed some date nights with my baby.  We now have, well so far, a standing date every other Saturday at La Esperanza.  We go, we have some margaritas, some food and good company and of course eachother!  We went to AC for 2 nights.  It was a nice getaway.  Weather was crappy so we didn't get much outside time but I enjoyed every second with her.  Best part is that it was our Yeaster Easter!  Our very own rendition, I mean who wants to be normal anyway.  My baby is taking some big life steps which I am so proud of her for!  Mind set, goal oriented, eyes a weird glaze of crazy.  Just kidding baby. I am so very PROUD of you!!!!  We've been taking gummies and smoking some weed which has been "nice"  hahaha.  It's now legal recreationally in NJ.  We think her aunt should be taking them.  Oh that gives me a good idea.  Maybe I should get a tincture and dose her water.. LMAO.. Can you imagine.  Oh how the imagination works in mysterious ways.  

In short.  Life is good.  I am happy with my baby.  I am going to start and take steps for me. I enjoy every second I have with the love of my life.  I look forward to what out chapters will bring.

I LOVE YOU JLR