Smack my Bitch Up

In recent days a multitude of events have occurred that have been eye opening, sad, psychotic, disappointing and heartfelt.  Where to even begin....
I am a big believer in privacy unless otherwise warranted and my privacy has been violated in such ways that I don't even think its sunk in yet.  I am trying not to allow the events to have any impact on my life but they do because it doesn't just affect me.  I have expectations like most people do, I don't understand how childish games can be played amongst those that are supposed to be your friends.  I have realized that surface friendships have no loyalty yet again.  I am upset at how certain things have ended up, how there is loss now.  I told her I didn't want to come between her and her friends, yet decisions that have been made and the shady things and lies that have been told or done have made it an issue.  A real fucking issue at that.  What happened to real communication!?  How is it that it can be so easy to turn your back on a friend and insist that it was because you cared yet their actions were so uncalled for there is no reasoning!?  I have so many choice words for a few select people and I keep playing them in my head and than I get deep in my head and I think....They are not worth my words nor my time but do I try and get answers that are going to be lies anyway.  Does it really matter.  All that had to be done was to ask, thats it...just ask.  Instead a shit storm rolled in because let's go back to that thing called communication...it never happened. 
I'm sorry to her for all of this.  I just want her to be happy and I feel like because of me I have complicated things and I don't want to be that person, I don't want to seem selfish.  I will always be here/there for her.  I can't change what has already taken place and I don't think its fixable either.  I am sad that adults play games that never have a good end result.  People wonder why I have such trust issues and I isolate myself.  What has happened is a prime example of why I can be the way that I am.
I don't just like her anymore...I #@&$ her.

Definition of TRUST: 
firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.