Me

I can now say I have lived "many" years, I have experienced alot, I have more to learn, more to see.  I've been lost more than once.  Unable to understand the numbness that's surrounded me, the hate I feel for myself.  Embarrassment for what i look like or the choices i have made.  The regrets, the misunderstandings, the struggle, the fight.  The love and love lost.  Lessons still to learn.  This path, this life that is mine has taken me on a whirlwind of a ride and I wouldn't change it.  The steps I take, the decisions I've made or are going to make are mine and mine alone.  There are times in life where the unexpected happens and its out of nowhere.  You can't wrap your head around it but you know it just feels right even though it shouldn't.   The spontaneity of the moment.  The smile it gives you. That numbness slowly getting weaker.  The fear of something new, something dangerous.  Wanting to know what makes "her" tick.  The smell, the feel and the warmth.  A soul letting the sun in when it's always so dark.  A spark of light, of hope.  Passion.  She, she is starting to make me feel.  I am scared but I want to know more.  Why now!?  Her.